Oh, "I'm Fine!"

As we minister to grieving people there is one universal question they are asked that they just dread hearing – “How are you doing?”

Over and over again moms and dads ask us, “What do you say to that?” What indeed. The image with this blog pretty much says it all. It’s incredibly hard to honestly answer that question. Sometimes we just want to ignore the question. Other times we must weigh what we say because we don’t think the person asking that question would like what we really want to say. Occasionally we trust the person asking that question enough to honestly tell the truth.

You see, after a child dies, the grieving person’s world has simply stopped! Not slowed down. Not paused. It’s stopped. It is as if we find ourselves standing in the middle of a freeway with people flying by. Some glance at us confused. Some look at us with distain for making them slow down. Some wave and pretend to care but continue on down their road. But a few will slow down long enough to talk, hug and cry with us. A few.

Those are the people we open up to with an honest answer. We let them see our tears. We let them hear our screams. We let them hear about how long night after night has become. We talk to them about the empty seat at our supper table that will never be filled. We talk. We cry. We… You see, it doesn’t take moms and dads long to discern who they can trust to tell how they are actually doing in that moment. It’s a sense we develop on this journey we call grief.

The next time you meet a mom or dad who has lost a child please pause before asking this question, “How are you doing?” Pause to ask yourself, do I really want to know? Moms and dads DO want to share, but sometimes all they can say is, “I’m fine.”

Thanks for caring for hurting people. We love you, Pat & Judy